he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
