yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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