I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
