I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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