just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
