I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
