Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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