do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
