ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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