If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
