My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize