Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
