P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize