friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
