Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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