sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
