he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A+ Viking dick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
