I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
