I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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