I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
