Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
