Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
