That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
