if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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