in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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