My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
