Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
