okay pat passed out under dana's car
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
