I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
