Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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