im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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