remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize