Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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