then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
