I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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