Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize