Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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