Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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