how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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