So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this is an emotional support booty call
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
