he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
