So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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