i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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