You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Houston, we have a squirter
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
