What a fucking waste of an outfit
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
