the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize