Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
