well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
