WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
