did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
