pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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