so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoofâ€
Randomize