i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
