I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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