what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
