My first STD was from a foam party
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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