I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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