What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
