Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
