called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
