So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
