last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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