**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
