I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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