I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
