Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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