The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
