i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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