yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
