I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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