I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
