my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
