Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
