So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
