we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
