Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
