I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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