Pants 0. Shit 1.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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