Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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