Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
