this boner is exhausting
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize