you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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