Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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