Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
