dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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