4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
